ThoughtCo uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience. Laugh at 17 really funny engineering jokes. Just get up and dance. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”. A young damsel was asked why she would not marry either of her engineer or lawyer boyfriends. Dogbert's Motto: Dance like it hurts. “You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist. She has taught science courses at the high school, college, and graduate levels. Love like you need money. We won’t bite unless we’re angry. So he went to a psychologist to see if the psychologist could help him feel better again. I hope that’s not true. Funny Engineering Quotes, Funny Science Quotes, 100%. I'm quite into the idea of engineering being beautiful. He says, “I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. We’ll see about that.”, “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Work when people are watching.- Scott Adams, My friend would spend all of his time practicing limbo. If you can't get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. 7 Flirty One Liners For Tinder. O’RourkeContrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step, it is an old business procedure.- Fran Liebowitz, Eroticism is like a dance: one always leads the other.- Milan Kundera, If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.- Dorothy Parker, Before I was born my mother was in great She could take no food except President Reagan's one-liners were terrific. Baptists never make love standing up. I hope that’s not true. Is your name Wi-Fi? But all of them are awesome. I’ve heard women say they can judge how a guy will be in bed by how he He worked it out with a pencil. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”. "My father had a profound effect on me. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand. My wife accused me of being immature so I told her to get out of my fort. Because whenever I look at you everyone else disappears. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, “How much do you want it to be?”, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefit’s package.”, The HR Manager said, “Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Mercedes?”, The engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Then why not share them with your friends? Part of the joy of dancing is conversation. To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with one's mother. An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. The goal of science and engineering is to build better mousetraps. Dr. Helmenstine holds a Ph.D. in biomedical sciences and is a science writer, educator, and consultant. So, it made me strong and resourceful. If no one offers me epilepsy medication after I'm done on the dance floor, then I consider it a victory. A fire engineer, who could not speak Arabic, was finding it difficult to market his newly invented fire extinguisher in the Arabian continent. Assume the can is open!”. In case your favorite one isn’t on the list below, your vote would add it to the list. Find a funny engineering joke or riddle. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.- Lewis GrizzardMy mom took up belly dancing. What more do you want?” The engineer says, “Look, I’m an engineer. The engineer goes second. What's the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. How does one put out a fire? Engineering is all about laziness in the name of a better life. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. Powered by  - Designed with the Hueman theme, “My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them.” Mitch Hedberg, “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Laugh all your worries away with these funny one liner jokes. I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.”, I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. It never felt real to me. I have to do him true. This could be accomplished by applying water.” So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. Are you Google? ME: "Here's 100 memes!" What’s the worst thing that could happen? The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Your friends would be amused. dances. It was a natural log. Where did you get it?”, “Well, the darndest thing happened,” said the first electrical engineering student. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. Asked members of the Committee. Because I come from rednecks, and my Great Practical Jokes. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”, God’s face clouded over and he exploded, “What? Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Your secret’s safe with me. Rodney Dangerfield. If people ask me when I began to dance, I Good engineers are not born, they are Pre-fabricated 2. So you’ll love ’em. I was so poor growing up that if I wasn’t a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with. Good move. Three guys go down to Vegas one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. Love like you need money. Don't you know the same? What were they to do? Bizwaremagic's funny quotes for your amusement & enjoyment. Garry Shandling, “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”, “Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won’t touch anything that’s not at least 15% off.” Unknown, “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard, “I’m on a whiskey diet. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”, “I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. SAVE TO FOLDER. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”, Satan laughed and replied, “Hey, things are going great. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. They crash the raft onto the bank. That sure is a great bike. It's still good. Soo good! But teach a man to fish, and you saved yourself a fish, haven’t you?”, “I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. Check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults.